The attribution of great discoveries is not always clear. Some people believe it was a chef for the French Duke of Richlieu, a soldier, diplomat, and statesman who presided over the Balearic Islands, an archipelago off the eastern coast of Spain in 1756. One evening, the chef presented his liege with a sauce made of the only two ingredients he had on hand: eggs and oil. He called the sauce “mahonnaise” after Mahón—the capital city of this island chain. It is said that when the duke returned to France, he popularized the new sauce among the French court. 

The key to getting this sauce to work is the process of emulsification—getting two things that don’t readily combine (like oil and eggs) to mix cohesively. Mayonnaise officially crossed the pond in 1903. A German immigrant to America developed his own version and sold it in small quantities out of his Columbus Avenue delicatessen in New York City. By 1913, the immigrant—Richard Hellmann—had built a factory to produce his mayonnaise in mass quantities, naming the product “Hellmann's Blue Ribbon Mayonnaise.” Though the packaging of Hellmann’s mayonnaise has changed over the years, the label still bears its signature blue ribbon.

It’s a great brand story, no? So I’m struggling with a more recent chapter in that story—a TV spot with Tennessee Titans quarterback Will Levis as spokesdude for the Hellmann’s brand. The spot parodies those iconic fragrance commercials we’ve seen from brands like Armani and Calvin Klein. There’s a lot of flowing fabric, dry ice fog, and beefcake as a shirtless Levis gets blown around in the breeze while we witness him try to sell us on the idea that he somehow finds mayonnaise erotic. (I’ve heard of food fetishes, but this one is way, way out there—several galaxies beyond pregnant women and pickles and chocolate Haagen Dazs.) 

Don’t get me wrong. I love a good spoof. Those old Geico spots that parodied the TV commercials we love to hate were hilarious. But this one, for lack of a better word, is just plain weird. My fundamental rule for using athletes in TV commercials is that whatever role you give them should not tax their pretty much nonexistent acting skills. If Levis had good comic chops, we’d see it—the self aware, winking-at-the-audience kind of performance that might have made this commercial truly funny—like Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson in Zoolander. But here, the “talent” is clearly out of his league (sorry). I feel like the most common viewer response to this spot was probably, “Huh?”

That takes me to my other problem with this spot—and it’s a big one. Who is this supposed to be for? There are NFL fans out there who would no doubt delight in seeing Levis in any TV spot—and especially a commercial on their local ABC affiliate for Carl Black Chevrolet in Nashville, telling all the bros to come in and pick out a new Chevy truck. They wouldn’t be as critical of the creative concept as I am. In all instances, they’d award Levi's the trophy for participating.

This spot also flys in the face of my long-held belief that mayonnaise partakers are a cut above those who prefer Miracle Whip, mayo’s sweeter and tangier blue-collar cousin. (Side Note: Miracle Whip was originally invented as a cheaper alternative to mayonnaise. It also has fewer calories but is higher in sugar.) But the stats may prove otherwise. For one thing, the mayonnaise crowd, as of this writing, is getting younger. Research shows that the younger generation (18-34) consumes roughly twice as much mayo as their parents.

I feel like all of this could have ended before it began if an astute brand manager at Hellman’s had looked at the storyboards and said, “No, I don’t think so.” This is the kind of “Look at me! Look at me!” creative product that satisfies the agency’s desire to “do something really fun for a change” but is so far outside Hellmann's brand story. It’s like reading David McCullough’s 1776 and finding that somebody has slipped in a chapter from Fifty Shades of Gray.

My best advice for Mr. Levis: stick to business. Your Titans have been at the bottom of the AFC South for two consecutive seasons. No offense, but maybe acting isn't your thing. Just play football and hold the mayo.                   

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